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Breakups are often nasty, and the days that follow will test your endurance. This is because your body and brain will need to be reprogrammed after a huge chunk of your everyday routine have been deleted. Whether it was a shouting contest or a mutual breakup, it usually involves a lot of emotions.
The next couple of days after a breakup usually restore clarity. You begin to see the little things you took for granted. Except it was a toxic relationship, it’s normal to begin to want your ex back. But how do you rebuild the relationship without falling into old potholes again?
Getting your ex back requires a lot of things but, most importantly, self-evaluation. Breakups are usually caused because either partner decides that the other person’s bad qualities have begun to outweigh the good. This is why it is important to properly analyze the pros and cons.
As much as you wish to regain your lost love, it’s no use if you aren’t prepared to commit even more time to the process. If you’re certain that getting your ex back is the right decision, then you need to realize that you might only get one shot at it.
1. Reinvent yourself
After a breakup, it’s easy to want to seek solace in old habits and locations. This is a bad idea because it only reminds your body and brain that something is missing. It could cause you to panic and decide to run back to your ex, begging and pleading. Running back usually has a low rate of success and doesn’t make you look stable.
What you should do instead is improve yourself. Read a book, travel somewhere new, or learn a recipe. This way, when you contact your ex, you can keep it casual. It is important to first develop a vibe, and this will only happen if you’re bringing something new to the table.
2. Be scarce, reach out sparingly
After a breakup, most people make the mistake of constantly calling or checking up on their ex. This isn’t advisable if the goal is to win their affection back. Frequent calls will only make you look like a pest. Even after connection with your ex has been reestablished, being scarcely available creates the feeling of importance.
Knowing that you are carving out valuable time from your schedule to hang out with them helps them feel special again. This makes it easier for them to consider getting back together.
3. Eliminate entitlement
To get your ex back, you will need to show that you respect their views and opinions. Although you were once in a relationship, it’s important not to forget that the other person is now your ex. Avoiding old habits like frequent calls and playful insults is necessary to ensure you don’t come off as offensive or rude.
Whether you have a conversation over the phone or the both of you decide to hang out, it is important to let them see that you respect their time and value their attention. This makes them feel special and increasingly willing to get back together.
4. Reminisce old memories
A very important part of winning your ex back involves reminiscing on old memories. Reminding them about the good times you shared could help soften their minds, making it easier to get back together. If they agree to a meet-up, you could take them to a location that holds a lot of significance emotionally. This would remind them of the good times and make them more receptive to your advances. However, it’s important to introduce them to memories without seeming desperate. Bringing up old memories the wrong way could seem like emotional abuse and achieve the opposite effect.
5. Honesty and transparency
In a relationship, honesty and transparency are necessary pillars to grow trust. If the breakup stemmed from a trust issue, the first criteria to getting back with your ex require regaining their trust. You would need to convince them that every word you say is reliable and can be trusted.
If the breakup wasn’t trust-related, you could leverage honesty and transparency to show that you still hold them in high esteem.
6. Spend time with family
Apart from fond memories and sweet locations, hanging out with friends and family can help rejuvenate your soul. If you and your ex were together for a long time, you guys probably hung out with a regular set of friends.
Strengthening your relationship with mutual friends and family can help to increase your confidence tremendously. It can also help you remember and appreciate the other person’s unique things usually brought to the table. This way, when you try to win back your ex, you can be as confident and real as the first time they met you.
7. Apply the No-contact rule
The next few days after a breakup can feel very lonely, and you might become tempted to reach out to your ex. But you should resist this temptation and apply the no-contact rule. This involves avoiding every point of contact the both of you shared. Although it might seem extreme, it is usually advisable to extend the no-contact to their social pages. That way, you will avoid regular updates from them and focus on healing and growing your mind.
During this no-contact period, you should strive to improve yourself and grow emotionally. This also gives the other person time to also evaluate their choices and gives them a chance to miss you.
8. Casual dates
It might sound a bit weird, but going on casual dates can help you to appreciate the uniqueness of your previous relationship. Casual dates allow you to meet new people and explore new horizons you aren’t used to. Although an extreme tactic, allowing your ex to see you with other people can stir up jealousy.
Making your ex jealous can also help to rekindle their interest and curiosity in you. This makes it easier to get their attention and win them back. However, it is a huge gamble as your ex could interpret your actions wrongly and proceed to move on with their lives.
9. Earn their respect
After a breakup, it is normal to avoid anything that has to do with the other person. This makes it even more difficult to have a conversation or even hangout. To win back your ex, it is important to give them a reason to become excited about you again. You will need to earn their respect and show that you’re worth their time and attention again.
While you remind them of your positive qualities, you need to show them you can be even better this time. This will help assure them and ease their minds, making it easier for you to suggest getting back together.
10. Become more attractive
After a breakup, most people make the mistake of wallowing in self-pity and daydreams. They begin to drown their minds in good memories of the past, which eventually leads them to run back to their exes in agony. This usually leads to a second rejection and further depression.
A better way to invest your time apart will be to invest in yourself. Changing your fashion sense or subscribing to a fitness program can help clear your mind and improve your overall mood. It also helps to improve your physical appearance.
Looking different can create a new perception in the mind of your ex, causing them to begin to think about you fondly.
Get your ex back
The process of rekindling an old relationship or reviving an old flame requires careful skill and finesse. Appreciating and valuing the process can go a long way to ensure you win back your ex. However, while the steps listed above will yield the desired result when practiced correctly, it is important to stay focused to not slip back into old habits. But most importantly, carrying out self-evaluation helps you properly analyze the risks and decide if getting back together is the wise course of action.
It is also important to grow and develop confidence after a breakup. Becoming aware of your value improves your mood and allows you to be more confident in your ability to attract the opposite sex. When you increase your value level, it is easy for others to appreciate the real you. Although breakups can be very heart-breaking, it provides time and space for both individuals to learn, grow and explore different points of view. When two people realize that life revolves around much more than your partner’s attention, it makes it easier for them to appreciate the relations even more.
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